DISTINCTION TUTORIAL SCHOOL - Money is the religion of 21st century

"Money is the religion of 21st century." do you agree? (raffles girls’ school prelim 2004)>

Essay Analysis:

1) Argumentative 2) Descriptive 3) Split focus 4) Money = Religion of the 21 st century

Essay Planning Procedure:

I. Stage 1 (Defining / Clarifying Terms and Generating Ideas)

A. Defining / Clarifying of Key Words in Qn

In this stage, you define terms and explore the meanings of key expressions in the question in order to clarify issue/s at hand.

Defining, clarifying and exploring the meanings of key words in the question will help you generate ideas and establish a framework for discussion.

It is common for students to be impatient and try to answer the question without first understanding the implications of the key words in the question. They risk going off on a tangent or worse still, produce a totally irrelevant composition.

Money

	Money is a medium of exchange
	a currency for purchase of materials goods

	a yardstick for success
	the motivational power behind the capitalist system

the Religion

	"the religion" not "a religion" – it implies dominance over other belief systems
	a system of worship and adoration
	a means of obtaining transcendence in life
	a motivational force in life, even the very life purpose

21st century

	a century of unprecedented advancement in science and technology
	globalisation – high speed communication and travel

B. Generating / Brainstorming ideas

Money

	can’t do without money – livelihood, means to "good life"
	20th century triumph of capitalism over communism

	Personally, people work with a religious zeal and fervour, everything else becomes secondary
	Country wise, China is now a money grabbing society , will do anything for money
	Singapore’s casino proposal and aim to increase population to 8 million eventually also for economic survival

21st century

	Economically, even more competitive, developed countries outsourcing jobs, work communication through high speed broad band
	Scientifically, private space travel for the very rich
	Through improved Internet commercial transactions become even more convenient – what is needed is just money
	Life Science: gene therapy and treatment to stay "forever young"
	traditional religions spurned, science and tech take centre stage
	people with money have the clout to do whatever they want
	Politically, increasing money politics feature in developed and developing countries
	Socially, have and have-nots gap becomes more visible ; hence, the poorer ones will be hungrier for success
	Media showcase the lifestyle of the rich and famous; thus, whet the viewers’ appetite for more

On the other hand

some being tired of materialistic pursuit may become 21st century hermits; some occupy themselves with altruistic pursuits; others remain faithful to traditional religions. However, these will be the minority

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II. Stage 2 ( Sorting & Organising for Relevance)

Pointers

	You don’t need to rewrite the previous brainstormed points. If you have drawn a mind map, you can just move your arrows around or delete points which don’t fit.
	Look at the points and you may want to organise them under some sort of categories/ framework / scale.
	For example, look at the italic words in the previous section: politically, economically, socially, culturally, personally, country wise. These are word to categorise and organise just like our files and folders to group related concepts. Without these words, all the points are scattered, giving a haphazard feel, just like a room with papers strewn all over. It is hard to make the text meaningful without some organising words.

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III. Stage 3 (Broadening Scope)

In this stage, you brainstorm further to broaden ideas under suitable categories. (For argumentative essays, brainstorm both sides of the argument for balance)

Looking at the points given earlier, I would like to add on to the opposing view point that money may not be "the religion" in the 21st century

Innate Spiritual Needs

	though Mammon is worshipped in many quarters, true religions will not disappear
	what money can purchase is temporal and does not truly satisfy man’s deeper spiritual needs
	eg. Material Girl, Madonna now turns to Kabbala, a mystical Jewish religion
	man yearns for "eternity", something that will outlast himself but all that money can afford are only of this world
	moreover, man will see the transience of riches with more of riches-to-rags stories in the media
	more will search for the true meaning of life beyond material riches

Security Need

	increasing acts of terrorism (and media terrorism) strike fear in the hearts of man
	acts of wanton killing
	buildings, infrastructure going up in smoke after a bomb attack causes man to feel humbled and insecure
	desired anchors of the soul can only be found in a genuine religion that offers a coherent answer to life

Socio-political Considerations

	Islamic resurgence among the Arab countries in retaliation to what is seen as Western decadence camouflaged by materialism
	American and European politics is still dominated by white Protestant males
	Rest of Asia will not renounce their Buddhist roots

Next: An example essay based on the outline

IV. Stage 4 (Deepening Thought)

Evaluate the arguments further, assessing their logic and qualifying them where necessary

On page 2, under the heading "On the other hand", I have earlier put down that "However these will be the minority". Now with the consideration of the opposing view points, I would like to change the statement to "There will also be an increasing hunger for traditional religions". I shall connect this statement to what I have written in stage 3.

Next: An example essay based on the outline

V. Stage 5 (Stand & Balance)

Decide on stand with limits (to what extent you agree with statement). Write it out here.

Having considered all the points above, it is now time to tie them up using a thesis statement which will give direction to your writing and help the reader to better understand your arguments.

Thesis Statement

Due to an almost religious fervour in the pursuit of material wealth for all that science and technology can offer in the 21st century, money has become a religion, but by no means "the" religion, due to factors in which even mighty Mammon cannot eradicate.

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VI. Stage 6 Writing Your Arguments

The Introductory Paragraph has three parts :

1) Grabber – begin in an interesting manner that grabs the readers’ attention

2) Transition Statement – brings the discussion back to the issue at hand

3) Thesis Statement – sums up your stand and the main points of arguments to give shape and direction to your essay.

"Money is the religion of the 21st century." Do you agree? (Raffles Girls’ School Prelim 2004)

Grabber

The refrain from a once popular song sung by the widely acclaimed Swedish ABBA band went this way: "Money, Money, Money! It’s a rich man’s world" It goes to show how influential money is in the lives of mankind.

With the advancement of science and technology in the 21st century, more goods and services, previously unthinkable, can now be possessed if one has - money. Money has become the very driving force behind capitalism and is the paramount yardstick for success.

Transition Statement

Man pursue material wealth with a religious zeal and would rob and kill in its name; money is worshipped for the power it wields.

Thesis Statement

However, due to factors in which even mighty Mammon cannot eradicate, money is "a religion" in the 21st century, but by no means "the" religion.

What are the topic sentences for the Body Paragraphs?

How would you conclude the essay?

-Give a final thought

-Ask a thought-provoking question

-Recommend solution(s)

Next: An example essay based on the outline